Sunday, March 25, 2012

!!!!JOKES!!!!

( Lmao ).

AKPOS, FILL IN THE GAP.

In JAMB examination, Akpos was asked to complete the following..
.
.
.
1) He who fights and run away.
Akpos :- E don surrender be dat na, na fear catch am.

2) A rolling stone?
Akpos :- No fit just dey roll, na person push am.

3) He who lives in a glass house?
Akpos :- Na politician e go be.

4) A stitch in time?
Akpos :- Dey prevent further tear tear.

5) Birds of the same feather?
Akpos :- Na the same mama born them.

6) One good turn?
Akpos :- Na correct power steering fit do am.

7) A bird in hand?
Akpos :- Wetin e won be again if no barbeque.....Dem plenty for chicken republic.

8) Half bread is better than?
Akpos :- Puf puf, buns or garri without sugar.

9) A journey of a thousand miles?
Akpos :- Na the person wahala be dat now....Why e no kuku enter car or aeroplane???

10) He who laughs last?
Akpos :- Na fool....When everybody don laugh finish....Make dem check am well, na so craze dey start.

11) A patient dog?
Akpos :- don get disease.....Na hunger go kill am.

12) All work and no play?
Akpos :- Na bank job be dat bros.

13) An apple a day?
Akpos :- Na hunger go kill u jeje.

14) Once beaten?
Akpos :- Wetin else? Na revenge remain na.

15) A fool at forty?
Akpos :- Forty ke??? U no get girlfriend??? Naija men dey foolish @ 20.

16) A friend in need?
Akpos :- Na parasite be dat.

My People Abeg help me Score this Guy

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Medical effects of Másturbation



Másturbation is the process of bringing about a voluntary excitement of the sexual centers following generally by the discharge of semen, through some method other than normal sexual intercourse. In other words, "Másturbation" means ejaculation of semen by hand. There are various devices resorted to for the purpose, but because of the hand to practise it, it is widely known as "Hand Practice". This habit is also known as "Self-Abuse", since it is done by one’s own self by his own hand.
There are exceptions, when másturbation is also done by some one else i. e., one engages one’s own wife for this act and rather prefers it even to normal coitus. This sort of device is found among those who are accustomed to hard friction and this habit is formed since childhood and therefore they cannot derive much thrill and pleasure from normal coitus. The other common device is to lie down on the abdomen and rubbing the penis against the pillow or the bed as if performing the sexual intercourse and to discharge semen with thrill and pleasure.
There is haradly any young man who does not másturbate at one time or the other. The self-abuse is the prime cause of various sexual disorders and it is one of the earliest abuses when a boy engages himself in this evil act. Másturbation has serious consequences since it drains the young men of his vital forces and in many case it causes impotency, if it is over-indulged. Therefore, parents are advised to keep a watch on their children against all possible factors which can tempt their children to  sturbate.
Following are some of the causes which incites young men to undertake this evil practice :
  1. The main cause is bad company, where children hear and discuss sexual topics and in the bad society they themselves engaged in  sturbation collectively without any shame. This is the very first and wrong step which leads to many bad practices to play with the immature sexual organs at the very tender age. Since this evil act gives intense pleasure, they keep on doing quite regularly without knowing the adverse effects of the sturbation in the future to come. If this practice is over done, it ruins the matrimonial lives due to impotency.
  2. Secondly, house servants also incite young boys to this vice by playing with their sexual organs. Thus, parents should keep an open eyes and they should not allow their children for longer hours to be with their domestic servants in seclusion. Furthermore, sending their boys to distant schools along with their young children, without any supervision, may also lead to similar consequences since servants can caress the children if they find lonely road or place. Further, young children should also not be carried on cycles in front of the servants or in a car beside the driver.
  3. Not only domestic servants, but even young friends or relatives should be relied upon. Therefore, children should not be allowed to sleep on a common bed along with the relatives or friends as some of them may pollute the children or young boys.
  4. It has also been found that in many instances, the young ones are taught the first sexual lesson by the maid-servants. Thus, boys should not be allowed to be with maid-servants in seclusion or to lie in the same bed.
  5. The parents, in the best interest of the boy’s future, they should also take guard to avoid his boy to lying in the same bed with other young ladies who are separated from their husbands since it has also been noticed on several occasions that such ladies due to their ungratified sexual desire, they lure the boy to spoil him.
  6. Furthermore, sleeping more than one children in the same bed should also be avoided, since they may handle one another’s male organ. Once they are habitual of this, they would like to  sturbate in seclusion places like bathroom, latrine or in lonely places.
  7. The parents should also take care not to indulge themselves in interecourse where the children are present since it is one of the prime cause of this evil as the children imitate their parents out of their curiosity.
  8. Another cause which invites boy to  sturbate is the uncleanliness of the genital organ, since collection of smegma in the pit of glans leads to sexual excitement in several cases. Therefore, daily cleanliness of the genital is needed.
  9. The other cause of  sturbation is rectal worms. The worms cause irritation to the anus and consequently it gives rise to erection of penis. In such circumstances, boy handles his penis which gives intense pleasure to  sturbate and later it forms the habit of  sturbation.
  10. Over and above, following are also the causes to excite sexual organs to sturbate :
    1. Chronic Constipation.
    2. Excessive use of sour foods.
    3. Excessive use of stimulating diets such as meat, eggs, tea, etc.
    4. Seeing of sexual and love scenes in T. V., cinemas.
    5. Reading of amorous literature, novels, etc.
    6. Talking of sexual problems with young ladies in seclusion.
There is no definite age is fixed to commence this abuse since long before the attainment of puberty, boys have been found involved in this practice.
Once the habit of  sturbation becomes the part and parcel of life, among young unmarried boy it may also resort to prostitution, which invites horrible venereal diseases.

Some of the after-effects of  sturbation are :
  1. The nervous system is affected the most.
  2. Besides the heart, the digestive system, the urinary system as well as the other systems are adversely affected and consequently the whole body becomes the museum of diseases with profound weakness.
  3. The eyes become sunken, the cheek bones protrude and there is a black rim round the eyes.
  4. Continuous headache and backache.
  5. Dizziness and loss of memory.
  6. Palpitation of heart on lightest exertion.
  7. Nervousness.
  8. Unable to perform any heavy physical or mental work.
  9. The person dislikes any company and activities and rather likes to sit in seclusion and suffers from weakness.
  10. All the senses are impaired.
  11. Vision becomes dim, the tongue begins to stammer and ears tend to become deaf etc.
  12. Lastly T. B. or insanity or some other serious disease catch hold of the victim to lead his life to a close.
  13. Impotency.
Therefore, young men are advised to consult a qualified and honest homoeopathic practitioner for his expert advice and effective treatment instead of wasting his money with quacks. Further, those young men who are or have been engaged in the regular habits of sturbation should not ignore the necessity to consult the qualified homoeopaths to avoid sexual embarrassment at the time of marriage.
DR SAHEED AHMAD


Guyz they are Back again to show you their Backside.

Police Inspector Set His Wife Ablaze


What would make a man empty a gallon of fuel on his wife in the kitchen without regard for his 18-month-old son by the woman? That was the question on the lips of stunned patients and visitors at the Leverage Hospital, Igbo-Elerin, Okokomaiko, a suburb of Lagos State, where the doctor and his retinue of nurses are battling to save the life of a woman whose husband, a police inspector, set ablaze on Friday after a squabble. The victim, Augustina, hails from Anambra State while her husband, Wasiu Jimoh, is from Kwara State. With burns all over her body, fluid mixed with human fat dripped ike a fountain from her face down her chest to her fingertips. Writhing in pains, the medics, Dr Bayo and the nurses, battled to give Augustina some relief as her peeling skin glued her to the hospital bed. The doctor said she had suffered second-degree burns. Initially, she hardly uttered a word except some feeble words expressing
regrets over a marriage that has gone sour barely two years after it was contracted. How it started The residents of 7 Tunde Lawal Street, Okokomaiko, woke up on Friday to witness a more dangerous fight between the couple said to be notorious for constantly quarreling. According to Augustina, trouble started on Thursday when she reported to the husband that a certain lady sent her an irritating text massage warning her to leave Wasiu alone, claiming that the police officer was her man. The victim, who claimed that her
husband had the habit of keeping relationship with other women, said Inspector Jimoh flared up and started beating her. On Friday morning, he reportedly told her that since she was stubborn, he was going to deal with her. She also claimed that he had constantly quarrelled with her over her demand for feeding money, adding that he frequently assaults her on the slightest provocation.

According to the victim, as he was pounding her, a neighbor came to her rescue and facilitated her escape to another neighbour’s
kitchen, who was cooking at that time, only for the husband to rush in and emptied a gallon of fuel upon her by the fire place. But police officer, said to be serving at the Ifako Police Station, Bariga, told the doctor that it was his
wife that was bearing the keg of fuel in her hand as she made her escape into the neighbour’s kitchen. Unfortunately, he explained, the fuel exploded upon her leaving the whole place on fire.

Police Inspector Set His Wife Ablaze


What would make a man empty a gallon of fuel on his wife in the kitchen without regard for his 18-month-old son by the woman? That was the question on the lips of stunned patients and visitors at the Leverage Hospital, Igbo-Elerin, Okokomaiko, a suburb of Lagos State, where the doctor and his retinue of nurses are battling to save the life of a woman whose husband, a police inspector, set ablaze on Friday after a squabble. The victim, Augustina, hails from Anambra State while her husband, Wasiu Jimoh, is from Kwara State. With burns all over her body, fluid mixed with human fat dripped ike a fountain from her face down her chest to her fingertips. Writhing in pains, the medics, Dr Bayo and the nurses, battled to give Augustina some relief as her peeling skin glued her to the hospital bed. The doctor said she had suffered second-degree burns. Initially, she hardly uttered a word except some feeble words expressing
regrets over a marriage that has gone sour barely two years after it was contracted. How it started The residents of 7 Tunde Lawal Street, Okokomaiko, woke up on Friday to witness a more dangerous fight between the couple said to be notorious for constantly quarreling. According to Augustina, trouble started on Thursday when she reported to the husband that a certain lady sent her an irritating text massage warning her to leave Wasiu alone, claiming that the police officer was her man. The victim, who claimed that her
husband had the habit of keeping relationship with other women, said Inspector Jimoh flared up and started beating her. On Friday morning, he reportedly told her that since she was stubborn, he was going to deal with her. She also claimed that he had constantly quarrelled with her over her demand for feeding money, adding that he frequently assaults her on the slightest provocation.

According to the victim, as he was pounding her, a neighbor came to her rescue and facilitated her escape to another neighbour’s
kitchen, who was cooking at that time, only for the husband to rush in and emptied a gallon of fuel upon her by the fire place. But police officer, said to be serving at the Ifako Police Station, Bariga, told the doctor that it was his
wife that was bearing the keg of fuel in her hand as she made her escape into the neighbour’s kitchen. Unfortunately, he explained, the fuel exploded upon her leaving the whole place on fire.

Police Inspector Set His Wife Ablaze


What would make a man empty a gallon of fuel on his wife in the kitchen without regard for his 18-month-old son by the woman? That was the question on the lips of stunned patients and visitors at the Leverage Hospital, Igbo-Elerin, Okokomaiko, a suburb of Lagos State, where the doctor and his retinue of nurses are battling to save the life of a woman whose husband, a police inspector, set ablaze on Friday after a squabble. The victim, Augustina, hails from Anambra State while her husband, Wasiu Jimoh, is from Kwara State. With burns all over her body, fluid mixed with human fat dripped ike a fountain from her face down her chest to her fingertips. Writhing in pains, the medics, Dr Bayo and the nurses, battled to give Augustina some relief as her peeling skin glued her to the hospital bed. The doctor said she had suffered second-degree burns. Initially, she hardly uttered a word except some feeble words expressing
regrets over a marriage that has gone sour barely two years after it was contracted. How it started The residents of 7 Tunde Lawal Street, Okokomaiko, woke up on Friday to witness a more dangerous fight between the couple said to be notorious for constantly quarreling. According to Augustina, trouble started on Thursday when she reported to the husband that a certain lady sent her an irritating text massage warning her to leave Wasiu alone, claiming that the police officer was her man. The victim, who claimed that her
husband had the habit of keeping relationship with other women, said Inspector Jimoh flared up and started beating her. On Friday morning, he reportedly told her that since she was stubborn, he was going to deal with her. She also claimed that he had constantly quarrelled with her over her demand for feeding money, adding that he frequently assaults her on the slightest provocation.

According to the victim, as he was pounding her, a neighbor came to her rescue and facilitated her escape to another neighbour’s
kitchen, who was cooking at that time, only for the husband to rush in and emptied a gallon of fuel upon her by the fire place. But police officer, said to be serving at the Ifako Police Station, Bariga, told the doctor that it was his
wife that was bearing the keg of fuel in her hand as she made her escape into the neighbour’s kitchen. Unfortunately, he explained, the fuel exploded upon her leaving the whole place on fire.